Happy 4611th Birthday Ares
by Kujo Feathers
Summary: A speech, laughing gods, and a very mad Ares. What is going on? It's Ares birhtday of course and Athena has to write a speech. What will be said? What will happen? Read to find out.


**Hello people! This story was originally a speech for my English class but i added more humor and a storyline to it. I hope you like it!**

**This story is dedicated to Book-Mania-Girl520 and tarkaneea.**

**Disclaimer: Greek gods aren't real.**

It was a special day on Mount Olympus. One of the gods were celebrating their birthday today. And this god just happened to be Ares. Now, you would think that the whole day would be spent partying like wild animals but it is not. Before the party, as is traditional for birthdays on Mount Olympus, someone must present a speech. No one likes Ares, so the gods decided to draw names out a a golden cup to decide. Guess who's name got drawn. Mine. Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, must write a speech for the dreadful Ares. Well, if I must write a speech, I must make it one that the gods will never forget.

Several hours later at the party...

"And now, let us put our hands together for the traditional birthday speech, which this year is written by our very own Goddess of Wisdom, Athena!" said Poseidon, the announcer for the day.

"Happy 4611th birthday Ares! I hope it's a good one." I shake my head like i'm saying, no i don't.

"In honor of your birthday i would like to remind us of all of your accomplishments and funny moments...funny for us that is.  
>Now let's see if i can remember what your accomplishes are...there are so few..." That got a laugh out of everyone and a huge scowl from Ares.<p>

"Oh yes! Now i remember...the people of the bronze age, who love to fight in wars, just adored you. Who wouldn't right?" A big eye roll to show i'm being sarcastic gets another laugh out of everyone. "Another accomplishment of yours was that you got to be the father of Romulus and Remus, and Romulus founded Rome. I'm not sure how that has anything to do with you, but hey! Who am i to argue?"

"Now for my favorite part, the stories. Who remembers that Trojan War? Well, I'm not sure how many of you remember this but during the war, Ares was fighting for the Trojans. He always, and i mean_ always_, has to be on Aphrodite's side. The greek hero Diomedes-"

"DIOMEDES RULES!" yelled Poseidon.**(Anyone who has read the script or or seen the play _The Iliad, The Odyssey, and All of Greek Mythology in 99 Minutes or Less_, will understand this joke)  
><strong>  
>I gave Poseidon a half-glare. i was only mad because he interrupted. I remember that joke very well. "-Diomedes stabbed Ares with his spear. Now, like the big crybaby he is, Ares went up to Olympus and complained to Zeus about how violent the weak little mortals were being. Does anyone find it ironic that the god of war was complaining about violence?"<p>

All of the gods except Ares raised their hands while Ares gets even more mad.

"Anyway, the other funny story is of Ares and Aphrodite. Even though i know **_all _**of you remember this story please pretend you forget so i can makes Ares even more mad." The gods nod their heads yes except for Aphrodite because she also gets embarressed in this one.

"Ok, so the story story starts on a beautiful day when Hephaestus was out of the house. Because Ares saw Hephaestus leaving he went to his house to tell Aphrodite. While he was there they did some very naughty thingsthat only grown-ups should know about. While they thought they were in the clear because Hephaestus was gone what they didn't know was that Helios saw everything." I shivered at the thought. "Poor Helios, that must have been why he couldn't drive the sun chariot very well for the next year. Anyway, Helios went straight to Hephaestus and told him everything."

"SO THAT'S WHO I NEED TO KILL?" Ares bellowed.

"You will not kill the sun god. Not that any of us can be killed anyway but you will not kill the sun god. Now sit back down."

Ares looked ready to breathe fire but he sat down anyway.

"Good. Now back to the story. Hephaestus, the metalsmith of the gods, is know for his creativity and skill." Hephaestus was blushing because of my compliment. "Hephaestus created very thin, invisible, but indestructable wires, that he hung around his bed. Then pretended to take a trip to his favorite city, Lemnos. Halfway there, he turned around and went back home to see Ares and Aphrodite trapped on his bed by the wires. We got a good laugh out of that. I can still remember Ares face when he was caught. It was a mix between shock, anger, embarressment and complete and utter helplessness. And i can still hear Aphrodite's scream. I think that is why so many mortals were suddenly deaf. The amount of mortals went from 20 to 200."

After all the gods were done laughing i continued.

"In a nutshell, that's Ares: cruel, mean, violent, and a crybaby. The one good thing about Ares..." Ares face brightened at the thought of a compliment. While the other gods looked shocked. "Who am i kidding, there is nothing good about Ares. His bird is the vulture...it fits his personality." Ares looks really mad now. I think about something else to say and just come up with this, "Happy 4611th birthday Ares."

After the gods finished applauding Ares came up to me and said, "Fight in the courtyard. NOW."

I raised one eyebrow, "Do you really want to fight the Goddess of Wisdom? Actually let me rephrase that. Do you actually think that you can win a fight against me? it would be so much easier and a lot less humilating for you if we just start the party."

Ares thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. "Fine," he finally said. "I won't fight you but only beacuse i want the party to start." And with that he stomped off to go dance with Aphrodite.

Throughout the night every god except for Aphrodite came up and congratulated me on and amazing speech. My main thought throughout the night was this...

Looks like Ares will have another humiliating thing to add to his already very long list.

**Please review my pathetic little story! I don't care what you say i just want to know that you have read it!**


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